Karim's request to the ladies of Montreal.

I figured it out. The jig is up, girls. I never knew the depths of evilness that you could stoop to but nonetheless…………you win.

There. I’ve said it: you win. And that means there’s only one thing to do. Take one for the team. You’ve reduced me to this ladies….and it means resorting to this. So be it.

I beg for your mercy Dames of Montreal………………………stop sleeping with the Habs.

Seriously. It has to stop. There are plenty of other men in Montréal that you can sleep with. Just leave the hockey team alone.

Truth is, our women have found a way to get back at us where it hurts. They found a way to make us pay for watching hockey all these years. But guys, we’ve been conned big time. Indulge me as I take you through my thought process.

At first I thought it was just girls being girls and wanting to sleep with pro athletes. Why WOULDN’T you sleep with a Hab ? After all, they’re the Gods of the City. They’re athletes and have bodies of Gladiators. They have more money than you can ever spend and they’re the coolest fucking kids in Montreal.

The result: it creates a problem. The girls have been fucking them SO MUCH, that the players are thinking less about the game and more about the team bet going around on who’s gonna get the most blowjobs before lunch.

And the less they think about the game, the less they win. And the less they win, the more the entire male population of Montreal gets angry, disappointed, discouraged.

And that’s when it hit me. It’s not about sleeping with hot, rich hockey players. That’s why it didn’t make sense that it was bothering me so much. The girls are sleeping with the Montreal Canadiens so they DO suck and through time we would stop watching hockey less and less and then stop altogether………..

It’s genius. It’s pure genius.

I unfortunately CAN’T accept this anymore. And if apologizing and begging is how it’ll bring this to an end. Then by god I’ll do it.

Which brings us back where I started: The jig is up, girls…….and you’ve won. On behalf of the entire Habs male fan base and on behalf of men in general: we surrender.

We’re sorry.

We know we watch too much sports. We now get the message. And we’ll do an effort to make whatever arrangements you see fit.

But please girls, stop sleeping with the Habs. Just for ONE season. If they still don’t play any better, then you can start sleeping with them again. But just let them play one year.

How great would it be if it actually worked? Girls EVERYWHERE in Montreal would purposefully NOT sleep with any player from the Montreal Canadiens.

If you need more convincing, think about this: You can help make sports history and annoy us for the rest of our lives that YOU helped that saved the Habs. How great would it be to shove this in the face of every guy in Montreal ladies.

Think about it:

Man: “ Babe, I’m going to go watch the game with the guys.”

Woman: “You know it’s thanks to me they’re in the playoffs, right….”

Man: “Ugh, yeah I know and I really appreciate your sacrifice baby.”

Woman: “Well I hope so.”

Shameful silence

Man: “……..I guess I CAN skip the game”

Doesn’t that sound good? That’s would be just one example of the benefits you would get if you did this for us.

I’m confident we can come to an agreement ladies. Please either send this to a friend and next time Carey Price comes to you and says “Hey baby, wanna play with my helmet?”, just say “No.”

We’ll both get what we want: a winning team for us and more attentive men for you.

With love,

-Karim